It’s Christmas Eve, I’m Jewish, I really very strongly dislike Chinese food, and this here blog hasn’t been updated in a month, so I might as well do some blogification... The topic: Holidays, food, and (some) cycling.
1) The holidays are no fun for a Hebrew; everyone else gets his Christmas trees and lights, his eggnog and mistletoe, his happy church songs and merry family gatherings. We; however, are forced to dine at nasty Chinese food buffets.
2) The above brings me to my second topic: food. I take my food seriously. Each meal is planned for maximum effect: carb potential, lipid saturation, cycling impact, and - most importantly - taste. Of the three factors, taste is by far the most important. Joe Stone Crab’s Key Lime Pie or carrots? Haha.
3)Cycling is fun, but it takes effort. I don’t like putting forth much effort. It’s too much effort. However, cycling with a tailwind on a downhill while eating a Payday takes little effort, wherefore I cycle.
Why "topic" is singular and not plural:
I’m staying with family in Jupiter, FL. The weather has been petulant -- strong winds blowing clouds and storms from off the coast to drench the ground with rain and shade. The wind throwing up white thrashing arches of waves and the sand being torn from the beaches to pelt the humidity from the air into a salty and strangely sterile mist. [Ok, ok. I get it: “an utter failure, an ignorant, incompetent, pretentious, unwelcome, penniless” (Pygmalion) paragraph, but I’ve been reading a lot, so give me some leeway here].
With this weather, my riding has been limited to quick, hard rides. Today; however, I was determined not to be deterred from the roads. I decided to wake up early -- 6:25 -- and meet up with a local group. I savor my blubbery muffin and coffee, pack up my bike, don my “Team Pro Wanker 69” aero booties (because I’m that cool) and head off to the start of the ride.
It’s a fairly large group, but a potentially turbulent mix of riders. Down south, in these parts, they do the crazy Cracker Barrel pace line: a double pace line where the front two riders both pull off to the left of the road. Insanity... So, I’m a bit nervous to start. Soon, someone takes a flyer and we’re off! A group of the 7 "fast" men and one laggard - me - forms and we take pulls. Things are going well. We’re racing across Jupiter island. We streak past Tiger’s house. We pass golf carts and break the speed limit. We go flying through blind turns. For about the tenth time, I hit a reflector and PING, something new: a broken spoke, brakes rubbing, Scott fishtailing - nearly taking out the entire ride. But, he recovers and quickly pulls out a banana chocolate chip muffin to celebrate. Just don't forget to bring the wheel in, Scott.
The rest of the ride was uneventful and culminated in a stop at the Juno Beach Cafe after dropping off my wheel. I love little places like this - local hotspots of great greasy food. I order my favorite mid morning, post ride, pre-lunch meal: skillet... a layer of butter infused hash browns covered by an oily layer of cheddar and mozzarella cheese dotted with onion, jalapeno, and tomato covered in 3 scrambled eggs. I also had an english muffin and a raspberry flavored ice tea, of course... Just don't forget to pick up the wheel, Scott.
About 12 hours elapse with another 1000 Calories and it’s time for dinner: pecan encrusted trout served over a bed of rice, flanked by broccoli, and followed by a slice of Key Lime Pie, a favorite of mine. Only water to drink this time, smiling to myself.
Thus, the day concludes with me forgetting to pick up my wheel from the shop and me now unable to ride this weekend.
PRO WANKER, baby.
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